The calm anchor

Before you do this technique for yourself, read through each step so that you know exactly what to do.

1.      Remember a time when you felt really, really calm – at peace and in control. Fully return to it now, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling how good you felt. (If you can’t remember a time, imagine how wonderful it would feel to be totally at peace – if you had all the ease, comfort and self-comfort and self control you could ever need!).

2.      As you keep running through this experience in your mind, make the colours brighter and richer, the sounds crisper, and the feelings stronger. When you are feelings, squeeze the thumb and middle finger of your right hand together. You are associating this particular pressure in this memory several times until you feel a lovely sense of inner peace and calm.

3.      Now go through this relaxing memory at least five more times while continuing to squeeze your thumb and middle finger together to really lock in these good feelings. You will know you have done it enough when all you need to do is squeeze your fingers together and you can easily remember the feelings of calm and relaxation spreading through your body.

4.      Next, think about a situation that in the past you would have found mildly stressful. (We will deal with any ‘high stress’ situations in the next exercise.) Once again, squeeze your thumb and middle finger together. Feel that calm feeling spreading through your body and imagine taking it with you into that stressful situation. Imagine everything going perfectly, exactly the way that you want. See what you’ll see, hear what you hear and feel how good it feels to be so much calmer and in control in this situation.

5.      Now, still squeezing your thumb and finger together, remember that calm feeling of being in control and once again imagine being in that situation that used to seem stressful. This time, imagine a few challenges occurring and notice yourself handling all the challenges perfectly. See what you’ll see, hear what you hear and feel how good it feels to be so much calmer and in control in this situation.

6.      Stop and think about that situation now. Notice the difference from only a few minutes ago. Do you feel less stressed and more in control? If not, just repeat the exercise until you do!

Each time you do this exercise, it will become easier and easier to experience feelings of relaxation and calm ‘at your fingertips’…

When you feel comfortable with this exercise, you are ready to reprogram yourself to be generally more relaxed – to trigger your natural relaxation response at will and experience a greater sense of ease and wellbeing in any area of your life.

Remember, your nervous system cannot tell the difference between a real and vividly imagined experience, so each time in the past that you imagined a stressful situation, you experienced that stress almost as much as if it were really happening now.

By imagining those same situations but this time responding with inner calm instead of stress, you are reprogramming yourself to feel calmer and more in control in every area of your life. As you begin to feel better and better, you will be able to handle all those situations more effectively in the future.

Systematic relaxation

Please read though this exercise first before you do it and remember do not attempt to do this while driving or operating machinery. Only do it when you can safety relax completely.

1.      Use your most comfortable, tired, drowsy voice, as if telling yourself a bedtime story. Simply say each of the following to yourself as you follow your own instructions…

·         Now I relax my eyes

·         Now I relax my jaw

·         Now I relax my tongue

·         Now I relax my shoulders

·         Now I relax my arms

·         Now I relax my hands

·         Now I relax my chest

·         Now I relax my stomach

·         Now I relax my thighs

·         Now I relax my calves

·         Now I relax my feet

·         Now I relax my mind

2.      Pause for a little while to notice the feeling and then, if you wish, repeat it. Stay with this feeling as long as you wish. You will be able to return to full waking consciousness, refreshed and alert, as soon as you are ready.

The more you practice this technique, the more effective it becomes. You can do it anywhere that you can safety relax and it’s discreet. If you do it on the bus or the train, everyone will just think you’re dozing. Even if you work in an open-plan office or factory, you can always find an excuse to get out for five minutes.

It may sound like a little thing, hardly worth doing, but taking a couple of five-minute breaks everyday as a part of your daily recovery time could be the most valuable thing you ever learn to do.

From head to heart

You can use this exercise any time you are experiencing a stressful feeling in your body or an overly busy mind. It will help you to feel better almost immediately – usually in less than a minute. In addition, you may get insights into actions you can take to make things more the way you want them…

1.      Become aware that you are experiencing a stressful feeling in your body or that your mind is racing.

2.      Put your hand on your heart and focus your energy into this area. Take at least three slow and gentle breaths into your heart, maintaining your focus on the feeling of your hand in the centre of your chest.

3.      Now, recall a time when you felt really, really good – a time you felt love, joy or real happiness! Return to that memory as if you are back there again right now. See what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel how good you felt.

4.      As you feel this good feeling in your body, imagine your heart could speak to you. Ask your heart how you could take better care of yourself in this moment and in this situation.

5.      Listen to what your heart says in answer to your question and act on it as soon as you can.

The more you practice this exercise, the easier it becomes to interrupt the stress response,, even in the midst of the chaos of daily life. It will help you to reconnect with a feeling of relaxed alartness and emotional equilibrium by getting you out of your head and in touch with your own common sense and deeper wisdom.

Relaxation (Deep or Abdominal) Breathing

Relaxation breathing is probably the simplest relaxation exercise because it focuses on a natural body function; it can be performed on its own, or combined with other techniques. It gets its name from the fact that we breathe differently when we’re stressed than when we’re relaxed. Under stress, the chest expands, the shoulders rise, and we breathe rapidly in order to take in air quickly. This is sometimes called “military breathing” (as in “chest out, tummy in, look smart!”). During relaxation, the abdomen expands with each breath in. this is the way we all breathed when we were infants, and how we still breathe when we’re asleep. And as Eli bay of The Relaxation Response in Toronto observes, “When you breathe as if you are relaxed, you become relaxed.”

Here’s how it’s done:

·         Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose or mouth (opened slightly).

·         Breathe into your abdomen. Feel your tummy rise as you inhale and fall as you exhale.

·         Breathe slowly – otherwise, you’ll hyperventilate.

·         Start by breathing out to empty your lungs in preparation for the first deep breath.

·         Focus on and observe your breathing (this is a form of self-hypnosis).

·         If you’re having trouble, put one hand on your tummy and the other hand on your chest. As you breathe, focus on the abdominal hand moving and the upper hand still on your chest.

Suggestions for managing your money

1.      Distinguish “wants” from “needs.” Be mindful of how you spend your money. Food, shelter and basic clothing are needs. All other choices are wants.

2.      Discipline your spending. When you go to the mall, decide what you need, buy it and leave. This will save time as well as money. Browsing leads to impulse spending – those merchandisers are smarter than you are!

3.      Pay yourself first. Take 10% of your paycheck and immediately put it into your savings. Don’t let it even touch your fingers. You’ll notice two things: 1) it starts to add up quickly, and 2) if you park it before you ever see it, you don’t miss it.

4.      Pay off debt as quickly as possible.  As my father taught me, “interest will kill you.” Pay off high interest debts first (especially credit cards). Next, get rid of debts that are not tax-deductible. Carry only one or two credit cards – cut up all others. Pay off your credit card balance in full each month. Otherwise, pay cash.

5.      Track your spending for a few months to see where your money’s going. Write down everything you spend. You may be shocked to see that your daily soup and sandwich at lunch costs $35 a week and forgetting to return a video costs $5 a pop. It all adds up.

6.      Live within your means – based on your after tax (net) income.

7.      If you’re having problems managing your money, seek professional help. Most communities have consumer credit counseling services available.

It’s time to take control of your money and be mindful of how you use it. Then the Law of Rotating Bankruptcy will no longer apply to you.