Charting relationship problem areas

The following is a simple but effective measure of common problem areas in relationships. The list simple contains a list of issues most of which, sooner or later, all couples have to deal with. Make two copies of this list on separate pieces of paper so that you can each fill out your own one independently.

Working separately, rate how much of a problem each area currently is in your relationship: write down a number from zero (not at all a problem) to ten (a severe problem) next to each area. For example, if children are a moderate source of conflict, you might write five next to children. If children are not a source of conflict in your relationship, you would enter a zero next to children, if children are a severe source of conflict, you might write ten. Feel free to add other areas not included in this list. Be sure to rate all areas.

·         Security, safety

·         Autonomy and control

·         Attention (giving or receiving it)

·         Friendships

·         Emotional connection

·         Being part of the wider community

·         Status – recognition

·         Sense of achievement

·         Meaning (being stretched)

·         Money

·         Recreation, fun

·         Jealousy

·         Career/work

·         In-laws (or other relatives)

·         Alcohol/drugs or other addiction

·         Sex

·         Children (or potential children)

·         Religion

·         Regular household jobs

·         Spending quality time together

·         Other