Assessing the Impact on You

Your life with your depressed partner may be affected negatively in a number of different ways. Te carts below, divided into the three main areas, list questions you can ask yourself to make sure you understand yourself and what is happening. Place a check mark in the column for each question indicating not at all, a little, or a lot.
This is not a test with certain cut off scores. If you answer "a lot" to any of these, it is important simply to be aware of it and possibly to take some action to deal with it. The action part comes next. But first, the self-assessment.

Changes in your personal behaviour	Not at all	A little	A Lot
Has anyone told you that you seem different lately?
Does it seem like you’re not performing as well at work, with your kids, or in any other areas of your life?
Do you feel like you are "walking on eggshells" around your partner?
Ave you had to make changes in your life to accommodate your partner’s moods or behaviour changes?
Cutting back on work?
Changing your social life or activities?
Withdrawing from friends?
Keeping the kids away from your partner at times?
Sleeping more or sleeping less?
Lifestyle changes because of financial setbacks?
Have the basic patterns around the house, such as morning routines or mealtimes, become more disorganized?

Recognizing your thoughts and feelings	Not at all	A little	A lot
How did you feel when you realized that your partner was depressed?
Worried?
Sad?
Guilty?
Angry?
Embarrassed?
Other _______________________________________?
Have your feelings changed? How did you feel about it right now?
Worried?
Sad?
Guilty?
Angry?
Embarrassed?
Other _________________________________________?
Does it seem that to you that this is not the man you thought you were getting involved with?
Do you feel trapped or resentful?
Do you resent the way he/she as become more dependent on you?
Do you worry that your actions will just make the situation worse?
Are you worrying about what’s going to happen in the future?
Are you feeling more distracted and finding it difficult to concentrate?
Do you have escape fantasies, like just wanting to walk out the door and never come back?
Do you worry that your partner can’t be trusted to be responsible for your kids?
Have you lost your feeling of being attracted to your partner?

Relating to others	Not at all	A little	A lot
Are you keeping all of your feelings to yourself?
Do you find yourself covering for your partner when others are concerned or upset with him/her?
Do you feel you have neglected other family members because of the depression?
When you talk to other people, does it seem like they often tell you that you’re just worrying too much?
Does it bother you when friends or family tell you how to fix the problem (as if you haven’t thought of these ideas yourself)?
Are you flirting more with other men?