Self-Acceptance

Look at yourself in a mirror. Look Straight into your own eyes and then look at you face as a whole. Look at all the bits of you that you do and don’t like. Don’t ignore anything. Take all aspects of yourself in. Say to yourself three times, ‘No matter what my flaws are I accept myself totally and completely’. The more you do this the easier it will get.

How am I paying attention?

Introduction

The key to learning to transfer Open-Focus awareness to everyday life is to stop and ask yourself “How am I now paying attention?” until that question grows to be second nature. The following questions are on inventory of the kinds of attention we need to learn to be aware of as we move into an Open Focus.

Guiding Question

How am I now paying attention?

Am I narrowly attending to visual objects and space?

Am I narrowly attending to hearing sounds and silence?

Am I narrowly attending to physical and emotional feelings and to feeling space?

Am I narrowly attending to smelling? And to tasting? And to the space in which they exits?

Am I narrowly attending to the internal silence in which internal dialogue occurs?

Am I narrowly attending to the space in which internal images occur?

Am I narrowly paying attention to my sense of nowness and timelessness, to experience of this moment?

Which of these senses are present in my narrow and immersed awareness?

Can I imagine narrowly objectifying and at the same time diffusely merging with the space in which my sensations occur?

Can I melt into and merge with the mind space and mind silence in which internal dialogue occur?

Can I become timelessness?

Can I pay attention to how I am paying attention at this moment?

How many senses are simultaneously available to me? And in how many senses is space available to me?

In which sensory modalities am I able to objectify and merge with the objects of sensation and the space within which they occur simultaneously?

Can I imagine identifying the attention style within which I am resting, that is, while I am attending to how I am attending?

Can I imagine letting foreground an background freely interchange my attention of interest in each sense modality?

Can I imagine what it would be like if I were already in the habit of paying attention to how I pay attention?

Can I imagine what it would be like if I were already resting in the process of attending to how I am attending more or less continuously?

Heart-Centred open-Focus

Introduction

The human heart is more than a mechanical pump that circulates blood throughout our body. With forty thousand neurons and an electrical field many times stronger than that produced by the brain, the heart can be said to have a powerful intelligence of its own. The heart’s elaborate network of neurotransmitters enables it to act independently of the brain. Some researchers believe that the heart can learn, remember, and produce feelings on its own. Emotional information sent from the heart to the brain has profound effects on higher brain functions, influencing our perceptions, thought processes, health, learning abilities, and especially our ability to feel compassion and empathy.

Anger, anxiety and depression stress the heart and are significant factors for heart disease. The notion of emotion pain leaving us with a “broken heart” seems to be true in a literal as well as metaphorical sense. Because of physiological connections between the brain and the heart, brain synchrony is as important to heart health as it is to brain health. The heart-centred open-focus exercise is reported to help the heart to recover from stress. Individuals, couples, and groups can benefit from practicing this heart-centred open-focus exercise.

Preparation Questions

Can you imagine sitting gently upright and balancing yourself over your hips with your eyes closed?

Can you imagine that your imagination happens freely and effortlessly?

Can you imagine that distance and volume are experienced the same way as space: like the space between your fingers, like the space your fingers occupy?

Can you imagine centring your foreground attention upon feeling and especially upon the feeling of space while including other sense experiences and their space in the surround or background of your attention?

Can you imagine centring your attention upon the feeling of space surrounding and penetrating through available feeling sensations?

Can you imagine that initially you may only be able to narrow focus upon the feeling of one body space at a time as mentioned in this exercise?

Can you imagine that will continued practice your attention will broaden with each question, adding together your separate experiences of the individual body spaces into a feeling of one whole space?

Can you imagine what it would feel like if you were already feeling the presence of your heart and the space it occupies and the space around and through your body?

Guiding Questions

Can you imagine not giving any particular efforts to listening to the questions or to achieving any of the associated images or experience? Can you image that the ideal response is whatever spontaneously happens to your multisensory imagery or experience when a particular question is asked? The nature of your experience naturally changes and deepens with continued practice. Can you imagine that you’re opening and expanding awareness of your emerging experience is a continuing process? Can you imagine giving emphasis to imagining the feeling of space?

Can you imagine the distance or space between your eyes?

Is it possible for you to imagine the space inside your nose as you inhale and exhale naturally?

Can you imagine your breath flowing behind your eyes as you inhale naturally?

Can you imagine the distance between your nose and your eyes?

Can you imagine space inside your throat as you inhale naturally?

Is it possible for you to imagine the space inside your throat and the space inside your nose?

Can you imagine the space inside your mouth and cheeks?

Is it possible for you to imagine the surface of your tongue?

Is it possible for you to imagine the entire region contained within your tongue – that is, can you imagine the volume of your tongue? That id, can you imagine the space your tongue occupies?

Can you imagine the space your teeth and gums occupy?

Can you imagine the volume of your lips? That is, can you imagine the space your lip occupies?

Is it possible for you to imagine the distance or space between your upper lip and the base of your nose?

Can you imagine the distance between the inside of your throat and the tip of your chin?

Is it possible for you to imagine the distance between the space inside of your throat and the space inside your ears?

Can you imagine the distance between the tip of your chin and the space inside your ears?

Can you imagine the space between your ears?

Can you imagine the space between the tip of your chin and your temples?

Can you imagine the distance between your temples?

Can you imagine the distance between the tips of your chin and the top of your head?

Can you imagine the distance between the tip of your chin and your cheekbones?

Can you imagine the space between your cheekbones?

Is it possible for you to imagine the space between the tip of your chin and your eyes?

Can you imagine the distance between the tip of your chin and the middle of your forehead?

Can you imagine the distance between the tip of your chin and the corners of your mouth?

Can you imagine the distance between the tip of your chin and your lower lip?

Can you imagine the distance between the corners of your mouth and your nostrils?

Can you imagine the volume of your entire jaw?

Can you imagine the distance between your nostrils?

Can you imagine the space inside of the bridge of your nose?

Can you imagine the distance between the space inside the bridge of your nose and your eyes?

Is it possible for you to imagine that the region around your eyes is filled with space?

Can you imagine the volume of your eyelids?

Can you imagine the distance between your eyelid and your eyebrows?

Is it possible for you to imagine the volume of your forehead?

Can you imagine the distance between the space inside the bridge of your nose and a point in the middle of your forehead?

Can you imagine the distance between the space inside the bridge of your nose and your hairline?

Is it possible for you to imagine the volume of the entire face simultaneously, including your ears, your jaw, your nose and you’re tongue, teeth, gums and lips?

Can you imagine at the same time the volume of your scalp?

Can you imagine that as you inhale naturally your breath fills the entire volume of your face and scalp and head, including your ears and jaw and eyes?

Can you imagine that as you exhale and as your breath leaves your body it leaves your face, scalp and head empty – that is, filled with space?

Can you imagine the space inside your throat expanding until your entire neck is filled with space?

Can you imagine the distance between the inside your neck and the tips of your shoulders?

Can you imagine the space inside your throat and neck expanding to fill the entire region of your shoulders?

Can you imagine the volume of your upper arms?

Is it possible for you to imagine the volume of your upper and lower arms simultaneously?

Can you imagine the volume of your arms, wrists and hands simultaneously?

Is it possible for you to imagine the volume of you thumbs?

Can you imagine the volume of your index finger?

Is it possible to imagine the space between your thumb and index finger on each hand?

Can you imagine the volume of your middle finger on each hand?

Can you imagine the space between your index finger and your middle finger on each hand?

Is it possible for you to imagine the volume of your ring finger on each hand?

Can you imagine the space between your ring finger and thumb on each hand?

Can you imagine the volume of your little fingers?

Can you imagine the space between your ring and little finger?

Can you imagine the space between your little finger and thumb on each hand?

Is it possible for you to imagine the volume of all of your fingers simultaneously and at the same time imagine the space between all of your fingers?

Can you imagine the volume of your shoulders, arms, hands and fingers and at the same time imagine feeling the space between your fingers and the distance or space between your arms?

Can you imagine that as you inhale naturally your breath fills your entire head, neck, shoulders, arms, hands and fingers and that as you exhale and as your breath leaves your body it leaves this entire region filled with space?

While remaining aware of the space inside this entire region, it is possible for you also to imagine the space around these regions – space around and between your fingers, space between your arms, space around your arms and shoulders and neck and head?

While remaining aware of the boundaries between the space inside and outside these regions, can you imagine the space freely permeating and flowing through these boundaries?

Can you imagine that as you continue to practice these Open-Focus exercises your experience will become more vivid and more effortless?

Can you imagine practicing this exercise at lease twice daily?

Personal Grooming Killers

Take an honest look at yourself and only tick the boxes if you are sure.

Breath	Is your breath fresh?
	Would anyone actually tell you if it was not?
Hair	Is your hair washed, ungreasy and in a modern style
	No wisps trying to cover up bald pates
Teeth	In reasonable order; fresh looking?
Facial hair	Carefully attended to, including ears and nostrils
	No unruly, unflattering, untrimmed, unshaven areas?
Chew gum	You don’t!
Cleanliness	Are your nails, face, hands, all visible areas well scrubbed?
Nails	Are these well-cared for, not bitten or chewed?
Dandruff	Non in evidence (there is no excuse these days)?
Skin	Fresh and healthy looking, not sallow, flaky or greying?

Where is Your Line in the Sand?

We all put up with lots of imperfections and annoying behaviours in our partners. The capacity to do this is usually a sign of personal strength, maturity, and love. But some behaviour is so profoundly unacceptable that they should never be tolerated, or at lease never tolerated more than once. When you draw a line in the sand, you are making a contract with yourself that you will absolutely leave this relationship under certain conditions. When you put it in writing, and you sign it, you are more likely to have the perspective and courage to follow through if the situation actually happens.
I have no choice but to leave my partner if he/she ever (cheats on me, hits me, abuses the children, lies to me about his/her gambling, makes another suicide attempt, visits child-porn sites, etc.)
1._________________________________________________________________________
2._________________________________________________________________________
3._________________________________________________________________________
In addition to these large obvious transgressions, I won’t put up with certain other behaviours. I will have no choice but to leave my partner if ever (stops talking to me for weeks on end, refuses to find a job, forbids me to talk on the phone with my friends or family, etc.)
1._________________________________________________________________________
2._________________________________________________________________________
3._________________________________________________________________________
　
______________________________ ____________________
          Your signature                                              Date

When He/She Blames You

In the exercise below, ask yourself about ways your partner tries to make you feel guilty or inadequate. Try to be honest with yourself. Are his/her criticisms completely justified? Are they totally from outer space? Are they somewhat true, but nowhere near as serious who knows both of you to help you get a reality check.
Then, based on your assessment, activate self-talk to put the complaint in perspective. Here are some examples:
On target:
From outer space:
True, but exaggerated: "okay, I see some of that, but he/she is trying to make this out to be my entire fault, and I will not accept that." "I refuse to take responsibility for his/her depression and unhappiness." "He’s/she right. This is something I really need to work on."

Does your depressed partner...	On target	From outer space	True, but exaggerated
Tell you that you expect too much from him/her?
Tell you that e wouldn’t be so depressed if you would just have more sex with him/her?
Accuse you of paying more attention to the kids than to him/her?
Criticize for you bringing up problems at the wrong time?
Criticize you for bringing up problems with the wrong language?
Consistently complain about how much you’ve changed for the worse over the course of the relationship?
Accuse you of making "suggestions" but denying that they are criticisms?

Self Critical thoughts and fears

This exercise helps you to stand back from your habitual thoughts and recognize what you are thinking. Engagr your soothing breathing rhythmbefore you begin. When you have filled in both columns of the chart, refocus your attention and try to balance your thoughts with some questions, being use to keep your tone kind and gentle.

External shame thoughts: How can I think others feel and view me	Internal shame thoughts: What I feel and think about myself
My key fear is:	My key fear is:

　
Kind and gentle question:
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